I Failed Him – Honestly Amber
I failed him. I. Failed. Him. These words ring in my ears every single day. I think them. I hear them. I say them. I feel them. I know someone (or everyone) is going to feel all kinds of uncomfortable when they read that. Don’t just yet. Let me explain myself. Number one- I am… I failed him. I. Failed. Him. These words ring in my ears every single day. I think them. I hear them. I say them. I feel them. I know someone (or everyone) is going to feel all kinds of uncomforta…I failed him. I failed him in so many ways. I failed him the night he died. I failed him the weeks leading up to it. I failed him in his early teenage years and I failed him when he was in his younger years. I can see all the things I failed at. Hindsight. Hindsight is 20/20, right?I will forever be grateful for the conversations I did get to have with him, the texts I did write and the phone calls I did make. I’ll always be so thankful for the apologies I made, the times I REALLY LISTENED and the laughs, adventures and learning experiences we shared. I’ll cherish those things that come to my mind that I remember as successes as Teagan’s mom. The things we were able to talk through and heal in those last few months of his life. Parenting for me has never been all a failure or all a success.As much as I regret and wish I could change the bad, the failures and the things I could have done better, I’ll hold dear the good, the wins, the learning and growth Teagan and I had together. Losing Teagan and losing him in the manner in which we did has changed my perspective.
